Scratching
by Ramona Bandicoot
Summary: ' "Oh my gosh, you have fleas! You, Sly Cooper have fleas!" ' -oneshot-


**Disclaimer:** I don't own any Sly Cooper characters; they belong to Sucker Punch Productions.

**Claimer:** I own all of my original characters.

_Just another random oneshot I thought of when I was bored. So, please read and review and let me know what you think. Thanks!_

Scratching

"Sly, are you sure you can do this heist?" Bentley asked in my earpiece.

"Trust me Bentley, I've got this. All I do is sneak in, grab that medallion, and go home. Easy as one, two, three." I replied as I used my cane to scratch the middle of my back. I had been itching like crazy lately but I had no idea why. Well, I had an idea but I wasn't about to say it was true.

"Alright," he sighed, "but if you get caught don't say I didn't warn you." I turned off my earpiece and jumped through the window on the roof. I jumped through the open window and onto the ground below. I stood up straight and scratched again. This was driving me nuts! I could get anything done because of this stupid scratching. I felt something bite my arm and I looked at it, brushing back my fur and groaning mentally when I picked a flea from my fur and squished it in my fingers. Great, I had fleas. I had never had a flea before in my life but here I am, full of fleas! I tried to ignore it and continue on with my heist. I stuck to the shadows and scampered into the room with the medallion and spotted the case with the medallion housed inside.

After placing my cane in my mouth, I crouched in front of the case and started to pick the lock when my back started tingling. I rolled my eyes and tried to brush it off but it became unbearable. I tried to reach around to get it but I couldn't reach it.

"Here, I got it." I quiet voice said from behind and I felt a set of claws slide up and down on my back. I jumped at the touch and turned around. My eyes landed on a startled Ramona and I relaxed.

"Give a guy a warning, would you?" I asked with a laugh as I stood. She crossed her arms over her chest, tilted her head back, and shifted her weight on one foot.

"I told you that I had it, Cooper." She winked and brushed her bangs from her face. My arms started tingling but I could scratch them, not in front of Ramona. If she found out I had fleas then she'd never let me live it down. I rested my cane against the display case and crossed my arms; trying to discreetly scratch my arms without her noticing.

"You've got your pretty little eyes set on something here," I raised an eyebrow at the raccoon, "what is it?" she shrugged and started to slowly circle around me. I picked up my cane and did the same to her.

"Oh, nothing much," she said slowly before stopping directly in front of the display case, "a little bit of this, a little bit of that. I'm more of a buffet searcher than a one dish restaurant eater, if you know what I mean."

"I see what you're saying," I chuckled and tied to scratch a little more firmly but still staying unnoticed. But sadly, Ramona noticed. She furred her eyebrows and cocked her head.

"Why are you scratching?" she asked quietly. I searched for a quick comeback but I was lost for words.

"Uhh, I-I have um…dry skin. Very, very dry, itchy skin." She narrowed her eyes in thought before they snapped open and she gave a proud smile; the Grinch smile.

"Oh my gosh, you have fleas! You, Sly Cooper, have fleas!" I shook my head and pointed a finger towards her.

"No! No! No! I don't have fleas! Ramona! You wipe that smile off your face! I don't have fleas!" she laughed and placed her paws on the sides of her face, "R-Ramona!" I started backing up as she advanced forward with her paws behind her back and a smug smile spread across her face.

"Are you sure about that, Sly?" she whispered as she got closer and closer, "I won't tell anyone if you do. It'll be our little secret." She drifted off to the side, disappearing behind me, but I could feel her shoulder sliding across my back, soothing the itch that was there. I knew what she was doing, she was trying to screw with my head but it wasn't going to work.

"You don't have to lie to me, Sly. You can trust me," she had made it back to my front and used two fingers to push me the short distance from where I was standing to the wall, "But then again, you could be telling me the truth. Why would you need to lie?" the two fingers she pushed me back with started inching their way up my chest like a pair of tiny legs. Her voice was barely above a whisper and her lips barely opening as she spoke. She knew that if she got me distracted then I would admit to being infested with fleas. But it wasn't going to work…or it might. My mouth was dry and my heart was pounding in my chest.

"But then again," her moving fingers stopped an her index finger landed on the tip of my nose, "I could be absolutely," she pulled a flea from my nose and held it in her fingers, "correct." I heard the squeal of the fleas as she squished it with her thumb and forefinger, "Admit it, Cooper, you have fleas, don't you?" she cocked her head and her lips were only millimeters from mine. I nodded slowly and she barked a laugh. She backed up with a smile spread across her face. I relaxed and sighed.

"Look, will you make me feel a little better and pick that lock so I can rip my fur out." She smiled and nodded.

"Sure, you know how the saying goes. You _scratch_ my back, I _scratch_ yours." Now she was just being cruel.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" I asked as I used my cane to rake across my back. She nodded from the case.

"Of course I am! Granted, I wouldn't wish fleas on anyone, but the fact that you, Sly Cooper, the king of being cool, calm, collected, dashing, daring, and sweet talking, is fidgeting because of something as big as the head of a needle, is amazing for a rival!"

"Alright, fair enough." I muttered as I kept trying to demolish this itch on my body.

"Which reminds me, I've been needing to talk to you about something," she turned around after the case was open, "This place is usually infested with guards, but you always seem to slide past them undetected. Sitka and I have been _itching_ to figure out you do it."

"Oh, just lots and lots of…practice." I moved my cane to my legs and started scratching there.

"That's good to know, Sly. Sitka and I could just sit there _scratching_ our brains trying to figure out just how you do it. And when you do get caught, you always come out without a _scratch_ on you. You are quite talented, Mr. Cooper."

"Thanks," I said as I stopped scratching while crossed her arms, "It's nice to know someone thinks about what I do." Her smile returned and I knew what was coming.

"Say it again; tell me again that you have fleas!" I rolled my eyes and sighed.

"Alright, alright, alright, I have fleas are you happy!" she howled in laughed as I snatched the medallion from its case and shoved it in my pouch. I got ready to leave but I turned to Ramona quickly. I noticed that she was literally rolling on the floor in laughter. Sure, I'd let her have this one but I'd get her back sooner or later.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

I climbed up the drain pipe to Ramona's apartment in silence. I had seen her since I found out about the fleas, which I finally got rid of, and I decided I'd give her a visit. I reached her balcony and quietly tapped on the glass and noticed she quickly shoved her paws under her knees. She motioned for me to come in with her head. I slid the door open and raised an eyebrow at the raccoon. After sliding the door closed behind me, I realized that she had oven mitts taped to her paws. I smiled, realized with they were there and decided it was time for payback.

"So," I said proudly, "what's with oven mitts?" she smiled again and laughed nervously. She stood but kept her paws behind her back.

"Oh, I was just…cold." I smirked and inched closer to her. Like she had done to me that night in the museum, I walked behind her, rolling my shoulder on her back.

"Or you could have…_fleas_." I could see her sweat and I stopped behind her, placing my paws on her hips and leaning in next to her ear.

"N-No. I don't have fleas, Cooper." She snapped but she was lying.

"Are you sure, Ramona? I won't tell anyone if you do. It could be out little secret." I whispered into her hear. I knew using her own lines against her would irritate her, "It looks like the teaser has become the flea infested thief who is being teased. Admit it, Ramona," I ran my thumbs across her back starting that chain reaction itch, "you have fleas, don't you?"  
"Alright!" she shouted before mumbling, "I have fleas." I barked in laughter as she stormed away. Ramona had made fun of me for having them, but now…she was the one with the fleas.


End file.
